I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
