You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
