saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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