She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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