Well apparently he's into motor boating.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
