Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
