Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
