This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
