I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
