After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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