I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
