Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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