I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
