Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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