After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
