i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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