Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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