i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
