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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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