Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
