Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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