stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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