Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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