So drunk, too bad you don't want this
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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