I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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