too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
