sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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