You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
