If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Randomize
