it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
