after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
