How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
