The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Randomize
