She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
