Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize