if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
