At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
