a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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