Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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