I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
