hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
