I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
