1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
