theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
