Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
