You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
