I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
