Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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