he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
