i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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