apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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