a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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