last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
