he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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