The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
