You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
