So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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