Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
