alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
