I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
