I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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