Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
