Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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