and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
