She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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