yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
