I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
