if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
