Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
